Life has been crazy since the last time I posted. I want to start off by saying I am CANCER FREE!!!!! After my last scan the doctors told me my cure rate went down because of the resistant tumors and it shattered my world. It’s heart breaking and gut wrenching having someone tell you that your survival rate went down. Throughout this whole process I have put all of my hope into God because I’m not in control of anything that is happening to me and I wanted to believe in something bigger to help me get through this. My relationship with God has changed immensely since being diagnosed. I remember the night before getting my latest scan I cried and cried and prayed and asked God to please let all of this pain and suffering end. 24 hours later I got a call from my doctor saying there are no more tumors left and I’m crying just even writing this I’m so darn happy. My whole world was flipped upside down getting diagnosed with cancer. It changes you; changes the way you look at people and the world and I know it’s made me so grateful to be alive. This journey has broken me down, but I continuously pick myself back up and tell myself I’m going to be ok. I strongly believe if you have a certain mindset you can do anything. People always say “you’ve handled this so much better than I ever would have”, but I think anyone would act the way I do if they were put in this position. You have to be strong for yourself when you’re fighting for you life because that’s exactly what I was doing, fighting for my life at 21 years old. I was scared I was going to die, i cry all the time scared of the inevitable, but you can’t be scared of things 1. You’re not in control of and 2. Don’t know what the outcome is going to be because you will drive yourself insane. I’ve learned patience is key during a process like this and staying positive no matter how much I want to give up. The last few weeks are going to be terribly difficult for me and is really going to test my strength. I have to complete two more chemo’s before I get to ring the bell on August 14th, but because there are no tumors left the chemo is hurting my body more because there is nothing left to fight back. I can seriously say I would never wish this pain upon anyone in the world and my heart goes out to anyone going through this because it is the most unbearable thing I have ever gone through. I act strong and put up a happy front, but I am in so much pain. I can’t eat anything because I have no appetite, I’ve lost a lot of weight, I feel like I’m going to faint about 4 times a day, I shake uncontrollably throughout the day, and I am constantly weak. It’s surprising to me that I feel worse now than I did before, but I guess it makes sense since there is nothing else there for the chemo to kill except my healthy cells. It’s depressing laying in bed for a week because I can’t walk and I have to take an ungodly amount of medicine just to feel somewhat ok and my friends are living a normal life having fun. I make this all look like a cake walk but there are so many behind the scenes things no one will understand unless you go through it. It’s indescribable the pain I endure every day, but I’m 21 years old… I don’t want to let this cancer define who I am and control my life so I try and act as normal as possible. I have such an incredible support system, but at the end of the day I have to be strong for myself because I am the only person who can truly help myself mentally. I can honestly say I have been a mess since hearing I am cancer free because I don’t want to continue with my last two chemo’s. I cry multiple times a day because no one understands how terrible it is and how sick it makes me. It’s quite honestly the worst thing anyone could go through. BUT I know it’s all gone and that’s what matters most. I thought that day would never come that I would hear the words “you’re cancer free”. The weight lifted off my shoulders was indescribable. I beat cancer at 21 years old and I have so much more life to live. Going through this has made me realize how much I want to dedicate my life to helping people. NO ONE and I mean no one no matter what age should have to endure this kind of suffering. I can’t wait to lift children’s spirits up going through this because there is always hope and light at the end of the tunnel. I want to see joy in their eyes and no pain and I know I can help bring happiness and hope to them no matter the stage. Life is so unpredictable and everyone should be endlessly grateful to be healthy and living a normal life. Since February I haven’t been able to be the normal person I want to be. I have lost all my hair, eyelashes, eyebrows and yet no matter how insecure I am I still hold my head high. It’s hard looking at yourself in the mirror and seeing the shell of the person you once were and how different you are now. I had to reteach myself to love who I am again and stand on my own two feet no matter what challenge comes my way. I just know I’m ready to be happy and healthy again. I’m ready for this all to be over and I’m ready to ring the bell and be done with cancer. 12 treatments, 6 months of hell, but I beat cancers ass and no one can take that away from me. I’m so damn proud of myself. It has been hell and I hope my strength inspires others to see no matter how bad it is, you can still be happy and push through the pain. I move back to Columbus August 24th and let me tell you I am counting down the days until I move back, my hair starts growing back, I’m eating a ton of food, and I’m genuinely happy. God is so good and I am so beyond blessed that I beat this monster. No one should have to be scared of dying this young and now I know my strength and no one can take that away from me, ever. I know one day I will look back on these moments when I think life is hard and remind myself I went through hell and made it out ok. Everyone, please be kind to others. You never ever know what someone is going through. I may look ok, but inside I am fighting my own demons. Love hard, be true to yourself, have a genuine heart, be kind to one another, and be grateful you’re alive and well. I promise life may be hard sometimes, but it is the hard times that make us stronger and it is the hard times that change us into better people. I thank God every day I am alive and I couldn’t be happier to say I am a Cancer SURVIVOR. I am and forever will be a warrior and a survivor.